I have endeavored to improve myself, my interests and knowledge and skills that I have neglected for too long. I promised myself, suddenly and without prompting, something that has begun to change my life. I look back on all the little things I’ve done this past year to further this idea of mine, and I can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment. But the part that I’ve begun recently has had, so far, the largest of returns. I’ve begun to write- and to edit, and censor and renew old ideas and imaginary friendships.
It’s an awesome feeling when I begin to experience the flow of a story- the need and drive to continue on and not stop for distractions- don’t go to the bathroom, yet; let the kids watch a movie today; the plants can wait until later; the laundry will still be there tomorrow … It’s been a long over-due visit from a dear friend, this feeling.
As another writer, you might get it- what is falling out of your mind just won’t let you go, and you don’t want it to; it feels like there’s a hidden purpose behind the mad intent to stay locked to the computer screen for hours on end, ignoring bodily needs and outside disturbances. And once you are locked into your world of choice, everything else is truly “outside” for a while.
Unfortunately, it also seems that every time I get there then something that CAN’T be put off happens. How’s that saying go? “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.” Yep- or when you’re really just having the time of your life up in your own little world. It barges in like a bull in a china shop then, too.
I have promised myself something, though- I will not give up. I will come back. And I will find another idea, if the first no longer wishes to “play” for me, although I hope to make each and every one sound out beautiful little notes before it’s death. Beat it to death with grammar, tease it with punctuation until it hurts, then restructure it until it becomes a different tale- make it sing. And sadistically cherish every moment with it, for it is truly my own creation. That’s my promise.